Monday, March 01, 2010

Shed

"You are 15lbs lighter," my futuristic scales announces,* and I clasp my hands in a fist and shake them in above my head in triumph. It is the lightest I have been since I was a 21-year-old lad with no grey hair and low on cares, and Darren at work – unprompted – says I look slimmer.** It has been a pretty intense five weeks, and all the women at work now hate me. More, I mean.

"What if," mutters a part of my psyche, "What if you’re too puny now?"


*it doesn’t really do this, but this writing device, if I may term it thus, allows me to indicate my weight loss without telling you either my current or former weight, which is just one example of the typical cunning I display on a frequent basis. Watch out, basically.

** Well, actually he says “your face is looking less fat than usual”, which manages to still be an insult.

2 comments:

Jane said...

**made me laugh a lot.

Chris Cope said...

Yup. Getting old takes the fun out of everything. Except harassing people on the bus.