Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Prang

"I just fucking crashed my fucking car into a fucking bollard," I say as I enter the changing room, slamming my kit onto a bench.
"What, those ones as you come into the car park?" Darren asks, fumbling with his draw strings. I am too wound up to even accuse him of fiddling with himself, which is pretty much compulsory Advanced Changing Room Repartee.
"Yes," I sizzle.
"The little yellow ones? The ones on the left? The ones you can barely see?"
"Yes. What, have you done that too?"
"I nearly did, but then I didn’t because I’m not a twat."

After the match, Darren and I stand in the snow examining my dented front wing. Darren squawks with laughter
"You complete twat," he says, enjoying himself, perhaps thinking back to my lack of sympathy – nay, my triumphant crowing – a few months back when he rear-ended one of the bosses’ husband.
"Well, one of the positives about me being as old as you constantly like to remind me of, is that insurance companies no longer hate me, and I won’t have to pay a penny. Not like the £250 you had to pay when you rear-ended the boss's husband the other month." I raise my voice for that last bit. Making people feel bad about themselves makes me feel good about myself.

"I bet I crash the courtesy car," I muse.

6 comments:

オテモヤン said...

オナニー
逆援助
SEX
フェラチオ
ソープ
逆援助
出張ホスト
手コキ
おっぱい
フェラチオ
中出し
セックス
デリヘル
包茎
逆援
性欲

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

What they said ^

Err "rear-ended the boss's husband"

Woooordddddddd?!

Brennig said...

And... Having to pay £250 to rear-end the bosses husband? That's wrong on so many levels.

Shane said...

Gay?

Ah well.

Glad you've been able to share this. But, Tony Soprano said he'd never shit where he eats - as in, don't mix business with pleasure. Maybe the boss' distant cousine or omething, next time, eh.

Oh, and your new posts are taking ages - I mean, literally ages - to come through on bloglines. Just sayin'.

Word verification: bowalan (nice)

Shane said...

cousin, not cousine (that'd be the French)

and something, not omething (fucking 's' key... I think I've got a crumb lodged under there)

Word verification: ficriant (not so nice)

Huw said...

Easy on the smut please, all.