Thursday, November 05, 2009

Squamate

The goldfish in my parents' pond have slowly been disappearing.
"That heron," I say, explaining away the mystery. "It’ll be that heron."

The next day, I am casting an eye over the newspaper in my parents' living room when, out of the corner of my eye, a flash of something colourful from the outside world captures my attention. I don’t have my glasses on, but I get up to peer out of the window, and can make out a goldfish flopping its way across the lawn.

I tear to the back door in pursuit, just catching sight of the errant fish heading into a shrub. I scamper across the lawn, and stick my head into the foliage. I am on the case.

"Whmf?" says the grass snake irritably, speaking with its mouth full as it pauses to observe me.
"Oh I’m sorry," I say. "I saw the… I thought it was… I didn’t realise you were…"
"Umhmm?" says the snake.

I realise our faces are inches apart, and I flee in terror.

7 comments:

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

A snake! In your garden??

I'd shit my pants.

(not literally)

Brennig said...

There's a snake in my pants. I shit the garden. Oh. Sorry...

Shane said...

Whilst I'd shit in your garden and leave pants in your pond. So there!

Huw said...

Lots of images of people doing poos now. Lovely.

Curly said...

Is WHMF another internet acronym that I've missed out on? What's Happenin Mutha Fucka?

Laura Jane Williams said...

Poo talk! Looks like I came to the right place! x

Banksy said...

What?

You're back?

And after I mourned your departure, mournfully returning on occasion to you final post.

Bloody hell. You might have said something.

Anyway. welcome back.