Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The Beautiful Game

"God, football is so boring."

Everyone pretends not to listen to the football-hater's whining.

"I don’t know why everyone gets so excited about it. It’s boring."

No-one responds, lest they encourage the nagger’s nagging, but a couple of people shift uncomfortably in their seats.

"It’s just so boring!" the Wet Blanket insightfully points out.
Lips are pursed, but the bore is oblivious.

"We get it! You don’t understand the game. You think you’re more insightful than the rest of us. But if you’re so independently-minded, why don’t you get out of this room and go somewhere else? Why are you so desperate to cling to our company, to linger around where everyone else is, like a life-sapping parasite? What is it about you and your misguided sense of superiority that makes you think you can so be so patronising as to openly belittle our interests? You seem to think we should apologise to you, but for what? That you are ignorant to a whole facet of culture, history and excitement? That you feel a need to dimiss that which you aren't part of? Do you know how childish you seem, repeatedly chipping in with your negativity? Why don’t you, to put it simply, just fuck off?"

No-one says this.

But if you’ve ever been that person, that is what EVERYONE is thinking.

See you next season.


Shane said...

Amen, sir, amen!

Burnley v Bolton
Blackburn v Wigan
Stoke City v Hull City
Wolves v Birmingham City
Portsmouth v Sunderland

...All top level games, next season... mind boggles.

Those culture vultures who want to know about the 'state of the nation', they should lay down the contemporary political fiction, and go out and watch Doncaster Rovers versus Newcastle United, instead.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

I am that person who hates football and doesn't understand it's appeal...but I'm also the person that steers well clear of pubs when they're showing it and lets the fans do their thing.

Just as long as no one insists on talking to me about it, it's cool.

Monica said...


Banksy said...

Well me and me old mate Chris will be in the Spotted Cow, Malton, tomorrow for our traditional FA Cup five pints, then home to try and convince Mrs B we're not three sheets. Never succeeded yet.

Even watching neck-end teams in the pits of the football league produces moments that are sublime. I know, I followed Wrexham for three seasons.

Blue soup said...

God, football is so boring.