Thursday, February 19, 2009

Snob

"This is a piss-take! Where the fuck are you?" hollers my boss down the phone at me.
"I’m in the newsagent, buying my lunch," I say, stood in the queue of my down at heal local shop.
"What the fuck?! What the FUCK!?" my boss enquires.
"Look, chillax," I say soothingly. "I’m sorry I’m running late, but this place is rammed full of common people buying tobacco and lottery tickets."

An uncomfortable silence falls over the shop. A woman with flaky skin squints disapprovingly at me.

The good me feels disgusted at myself. The defiant me wants to shout "it’s true!".

10 comments:

Brennig said...

We've just had a running dialogue for three or four days about how much better than everyone else we are except we aren't at all except we are but we're not. The hoops we made ourselves jump through to try and rationalise that not all people are created equal without feeling guilt, were enormous.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Yowza. Bet you really made some friends in there :-D

Blonde said...

Buying your lunch in the newsagent? Member of the elite, you... ;)

Huw said...

This is true; taking the moral high ground becomes shaky ground when you are clutching a scotch egg and Monster Munch.

Léonie said...

I think they were looking at you like that because you used the "word" 'chillax'.

Honestly.

i am not your freud said...

sounds like your boss needs to learn about anger management

Shane said...

Yes, Huw. 'Chillax'. Not in any sense is that an acceptable 'word' - not in jest, not with irony, not even in any fictive sense. Never ever.

Huw said...

You discourse straights need to take a chillaxative. Seri.

The Otter said...

*aggressive high five*

THESE PEOPLE NEED TO BE TOLD!

Blue soup said...

It is nearly midnight and I now NEED Monster Munch!