Tuesday, May 13, 2008


I visit my Granny, ensconced in a rest home whilst my parents get some respite from caring for her, heading for Majorca. I see her as I park, sat looking out of her window. I give her a hearty wave, but I’m a bit too far away for her to see clearly, so she frowns severely at me.

“Mike! What are you doing here?” Granny exclaims, as I arrive in her room having been escorted by a sexy caregiver.
Mike is her nephew, one of a number of guises I often seem to inadvertently adopt with Granny. I suppose our hair is a bit similar, but Mike is 60 and 6 foot tall, and I am neither.

I remind Granny as to my true identity, but she appears unconvinced, and fails to hide her confusion whenever I refer to my parents, what would be her long dead brother and sister-in-law. I resolutely refuse to pretend to be Mike, but at the same time I don’t want to embarrass her by excessively pointing out her error, so we continue in a perplexed circle for some time.

I decide to get Granny to explore her new environment a bit, and we slowly head to some of the day rooms.

We encounter a tall matron-like woman of senior years, who haughtily wishes us good morning. I wonder how my Granny will respond to such an old-fashioned care-giver, not liking to be bossed about, but then the woman promptly settles into a comfy chair and puts her feet up and starts reading a copy of Top Santé. This is the thing about it being a rest home rather than a care home: a lot of the residents are quite mobile and seem quite healthy, which can be a little confusing at times.

We indulge in half an hour of confused chit chat, before I guide her back on the long-forgotten route back to her room.

“Bye Mike,” says the sexy caregiver as I leave.

“I can be Mike”, I think, as I open the car door.


Wayne said...

Strategically, I went in for the intensive chatting up of a not-so-sexy caregiver of my grandfather. I felt that it was important that I did my bit for George.

Curly said...

There are a lot of sexy care-givers around actually - but the thought of them cleaning up after old people doesn't put them in the 'people I'd like to sleep with' category. The list still remains ridiculously long though, so it's not a complete loss.