Tuesday, April 29, 2008


I get shoulder barged as I browse some clothes in H&M. It’s a sneaky shoulder barge though, approached from behind: the coward’s shoulder barge.

“Motherfu…” I mutter, as I look up at the person’s retreating back, and just from that glance at their hair and clothes I can tell they are a grade-A twat. The sort of tosser who is too self-important to say excuse me, or to try and just squeeze past.

A moment later, I glimpse the profile of my attacker, and it is confirmed it is a grade-A twat.

I text a few friends later, and tell them my tale. I am shocked by the outrage and ferocity contained in their responses, many of them baying for violent retribution. Six years, it seems, is not long enough to forgive or forget a preening, public school, grade-A twat.


deanne said...

So the truth comes out, you are a close BB watcher!

No idea how you even recognised him.

Shane said...

What a... twat!
I imagine that his every thought and action are governed by the instinct that says 'Everyone thinks I'm a twat - but they don't know what it's really like, being me'. I imagine he is prone to thinking in italics, too.

fwengebola said...

Oh god - oh... oh god. Why didn't you kill him? WHY?

poons said...

Where was this, last I heard he had fled the country? I served him once into a tailor's shop I worked in. He came into to have some shirts altered (yeah, that's what I thought). We got to the form filling in bit, and I managed to keep a straight face as I asked for his name, deflated him no end that did it being just weeks since the BB thing. Although to describe him a grade A twat seems unfair, I'd rate Grade C at best...