Thursday, March 22, 2007

In A Twist

“You should pop in and see my shop,” my friend says.
“I don’t know,” I say, squirming. “I get embarrassed easily. It’s just… a bit… embarrassing. You know. Why can’t you sell tea, or stationary? Or mend shoes?”
“Look Huw,” she says, “You don’t have to buy anything. I just want you to see the shop I own. It would mean a lot.”
“But why does it have to be a lingerie shop?” I ask. “You know that scene from Father Ted? Well, when I go to big department stores, that’s what happens to me: I inadvertently orbit the ladies underwear section like some sort of perverted moon. I can’t go into Marks and Spencer for a sandwich at lunch nowadays because I just find myself gawping at all the huge pictures of Claude Makélélé’s wife in her smalls.”
“I don’t know who Claude Makélélé is, but you won’t get lost; it’s only a boutique.”
“Well, that makes it even harder to pretend I am only there by accident. But,” I concede, detecting a raising level of frustration in my friend's voice, “I suppose I could nip in.”

Later on, I buy a newspaper and position myself in a vantage point which will let me see when the street of my friend’s shop is as empty as can be hoped for. I see a window of opportunity and make a dash for it, entering the shop at speed and colliding with mannequin attired in some sort of saucy negligee. The two of us waltz for a moment, but I stop it from crashing to the ground because I am smooth like that.


Sister Louise said...

Awwwwwwww sweet! I know guys hate that but awwwwwww. Bit drunk excuse me.

Sister Bridget said...

Ha ha! What is it with boys? I can't say I have that problem when walking past the men's Y fronts on my way to pick up my M&S sandwich!! But very selfless of you to put up this torture and visit your friend's shop anyway!

Curly said...

Department stores are a source of much panic for me. I always get lost and can never find the way out (just like Father Ted in fact).

My friend also has a shop, but I'm too scared to go in because she sells scented candles in there. Scented Candles cause me to suffer massive panic attacks.

anonymouscoworker said...

I found myself in lost in the lingerie department recently, and then I started to panic, and then I worried that the panic would be mistaken for lechery, so I became more paniced, etc.

Léonie said...

Hee I enjoyed watching that Father Ted thing and imagining you grappling with scantily-clad mannequins. Panicked men in lingerie sections is always a source of much amusement for me.

Dancinfairy said...

When I used to work in a shop that had a lingerie section it was our mission to make the already panicked men even more red and stuttery.

A little evil perhaps but it went some way to making up for the nylon uniforms and eight hour shifts on a Saturday with the inevitable Friday night hangover!