Monday, February 05, 2007

Outraged Of Tunbridge Wells

Further to last week’s post, Becca correctly identified that those who use mobile phones to play their music out loud often have a tendency to spit. Without wanting to generalise, this is the absolute truth! They do spit! Constantly! You can see when they’ve been waiting at the bus stop before you by the sticky puddle they leave behind. And not good, honest, salt of the earth spitting, but this rather pathetic dribbley spitting, like that of a baby vomiting (I’ve written about this form of spitting before, but can’t be bothered to find it to link to). Some of them actually spit on the bus* and I have had to take to watching where I put my feet; there can be fewer prospects as unappealing as treading louts’ saliva over your own carpet when you get home. So, in light of this, I think a campaign is needed, and that campaign is the reintroduction of spittoons in public places. They used to be all over the place, you know, when people used to chew tobacco, but have disappeared following the habit’s decline in the face of chewing gum and cigarette smoking. Back in those days of course, spitting was a fairly respectful past time – witness these two establishment types at the turn of the last century in close proximity to a spittoon – and I can’t help but wonder if maybe the targeted individuals would spit less if spittoons were provided, the act of rather plaintive rebellion they perhaps feel they are expressing being undermined by official endorsement.

Actually, scrap that. Spittoons are disgusting unhygienic things. We should just sew these people's lips together.

*Had a couple of stressful weeks not prompted my blepharospasm to return, I suspect seeing this happening would cause me to twitch.


anonymouscoworker said...

While we're sewing their lips together can we also forcibly sterilize them?


becca said...

Hurrah!!! Let's start an "anit-spitting-in-public" movement. I'll make the t-shirts...

Excellent idea anonymouscoworker, sterilize the tlittle buggers, that'll learn 'em!!!

and it's not as if they can THAT much cattargh. When did spitting become the thing to do? filthy buggers!

Will said...

Were there spitoons in Back to the Future III? If yes, I'm in.