Sunday, February 19, 2006

Signs That I Now Live With Girls #2

Living with two girls, I’ve noticed that there’s something of a cyclical pattern to the atmosphere in Tufnell Park Towers nowadays, with certain dark clouds occasionally looming on the horizon of my preferred ambience of serenity and calm, this happening approximately twice a month. Not only does this catch me off guard each time, but I also feel somewhat betrayed by the failure of the Lee-Boot phenomenon to yet materialise. Take a couple of Sundays ago.

It is approximately 11am. I am sat at the dining table (that sounds rather grand), eating my breakfast, and crooning along to the chorus of Boston’s "More Than A Feeling" courtesy of Virgin Classic Rock. I’m sure you are in agreement that this is one of the more pleasing ways for any man to start his Sunday. I’m am just building up to seeing "my marianne walkin’ away" when I hear the approaching storm.

Housemate Louise thunders down the stairs and wrenches my radio from the wall with a roar.
"I’m fucking hungover, and it’s fucking Sunday, and I’m fucking trying to sleep, you fucking bastard."
I raise a quizzical eyebrow but by now know better than to question this outburst. I also know better than to question the relation of this hangover to the noise of her drunkenly crashing in I had to endure at 4am.

The rant continues, and even though it has wheeled its way into the kitchen, from the volume of the sound of things being slammed, I can tell it is nearing its crescendo.
"I hate you," Housemate Louise spits, emerging from the kitchen and approaching me menacingly, "I hate you because you are a man."
I take inspiration from the heat-balling abilities of the Asian Honeybee and, for my own safety, wordlessly I purposefully lift my spoon and begin to firmly rap the side of my cereal bowl.
Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding
It is a truly unpleasant noise, but I have to have faith that my endurance levels are higher than that of a hungover and pre-menstral woman.
Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding
Housemate Louise’s fury reaches breaking point and I know it is almost as much as I can take too, but I resolutely grit my teeth.
Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding
Housemate Louise lets out a blood-curdling screech of frustration, and retreats back to her room.

I allow myself a brief clenched-fist-of-victory, and plug Virgin Classic Rock back in.

The opening bars of Chicago’s "I’m A Man" spring forth. Nice.


Jona said...

Gee Huw, that's no Carlsburg ad ;o)

Ivy the Goober said...

Wow, Huw.... I really think you should star in a sitcom. Or at least a reality show.

Curly said...

Housemate Louise sounds like a REAL lady!

Huw said...

*emerges from hurried consultation with My Thoughts Exactly lawyers*

In fairness, I should point out that for around 4/5 of the month Housemate Louise is sweetness itself and a pleasure to live with. Why, she made me dinner last night just because.

surly girl said...

tch. girls, eh?

have you checked your underwear drawer since?

just a thought.....

Cheri said...

"wordlessly I purposefully lift my spoon and begin to firmly rap the side of my cereal bowl.
Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding"

You are evil.

Still, I laughed. I don't know that I've had such an outburst. Not that I haven't wanted to... but I think a simple "Huw, I am very hungover, would it be OK if you turned that down for a while?", would have worked out much better for her.

becca said...

huw, my love

it's entirely your own fault. you should know by now that hang-overs and PMT are not mollified by 80's rock!

by the way, partay.... 13th may for my birthday - all proceeds go to cancer research.... get lou to fill you in on details. I'll let you know the theme... obvously lanette is invited too if she's over then!

Me Over Here said...

In Louise's defense, if I was that hungover and annoyed, I might have done/said the same thing. Hell hath no fury like a hungover woman.

She is, as Huw said, a peach 99.9% of the time. The other .1%, she has reason to be a bit off her mark. We're all entitled to a ranting session now and again!

Cleavers said...

Wait until said ladies are in synch with their cycles. Man, that'll be explosive. When I lived with a girl and a guy, he 'worked late' at around about the same time every month. Us girls just bitched at each other.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Huw 1, Louise 0 (But I wouldn't rest on my laurels if I were you. Period.)

mona said...

Glad you hold your own- you're like a little brother- perfectly annoying when I'm annoyed already.

Will Shady said...

I know what you mean. I grew up with four sisters. It's like a rollercoaster with dem.