Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Are You Finished With That?

I’m being comfortably overshadowed by this part of the world's other high profile holidaymaker. In the main, this is because I am having to lay low due to my overfed swollen gut. Forget having trouble buttoning up my jeans after I eat: I’m actually having trouble putting my seat belt on. The culinary plan of attack here is two pronged: firstly food is delicious, and secondly portions are plentiful. Faced with such cunning, I am helpless. During each meal I gluttonise shamelessly and without restraint, whilst simultaneously trying to justify my actions to my host.
“Parent’s mentality,” I’ll explain with a full mouth, omitting any surplus words which might delay my gormandizing, “Working class [chomp] post war [chomp] children [chomp] grew up with [chomp] rationing [chomp] always had to [chomp] clear their plate [chomp] installed same in me [chomp] must eat [chomp] everything [chomp] no more talk…”

I think she is starting to cotton on that in actual fact I am just a greedy bastard.

13 comments:

Ivy the Goober said...

I was just about to say pretty much the same thing Cheri said!

Cheri said...

Now you know why we are all fat.. or trying very hard not to be!

Pace yourself, but enjoy! :)

Dancinfairy said...

Careful....you don't want to have to pay for excess weight on the flight home! Hope you are having a great holiday.

Curly said...

I predict that the portions are going to get bigger at Dinner Club, or there will be a few tantrums..

AnonymousCoworker said...

You could go for a simple "Can't talk. Eating." at the beginning of the meal and save yourself the trouble of finding excuses later.

Jona said...

LOL! Waste not, want not - is how I was raised too ;o)
And the trouble with the States is: there's too much damn choice! Breakfast cereals are a huge passion when I'm there (do they still have Pebbles with Fred Flinstone on the box? I could eat them morning, noon & night, and don't even get me thinking about their desserts...) Of course, not having the same choices here means I get to pat myself on the back and call it sensible eating ;o)

mona said...

A man needs to eat- so eat up you glutton, I mean man... ;) Glad to hear that you are enjoying your time there

Cheri said...

Jona, we have Cocoa Pebbles AND Fruity Pebbles, they may actually have one now that also has marshmallows in it. I prefer Capt Crunch, not just for the taste but all that sugar gives me a fun head-rush.. woo

:)
I like the Homer "Can't Talk, Eating" suggestion. Was a friend of mine's voicemail greeting too.

Lippy said...

1. You're much more interesting than Bush.

2. All that extra padding will be useful protection against chilly ol' England

3. I've returned to the blogosphere. Couldn't stay away. Terribly sorry.

Mary said...

Glad to see that you are enjoying your holiday. Hopefully you're getting to do more than slip into self induced food comas. :)

Jams said...

Glad you're obviously enjoying the break enough not to be posting too often. Keep it up!

Huw said...

Yes well, service will resume as normal next week, jetlag and employment allowing. Just trying to eek out the last moments of my holiday. Sigh.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

When you become famous, will you be dubbed "Sir Huw the Rotund"?