Monday, December 12, 2005

We Woz Rwobbed

The bank teller rolls her eyes and tuts as Huw asks her to carry out a standard bank telling procedure. Huw tries to mutter an apology as she snatches his chequebook from the little tray, but she is already starting a conversation with her neighbouring colleague, both of them making a point of disdainfully ignoring their respective customers. Huw suppresses the urge to pull a face, and pretends to examine the leaflets on mortgages as he listens in on their natter.

"Yeah yeah voh, but did you ear abaht uz being rwobbed lahk?" Huw’s ears prick up.
"I fort that was at Finsbr’ Pahk?"
"Nah. Well, it woz, but ere too waan’t it? Las Fursday lahk" Huw nervously checks over his shoulder, inspecting fellow customers for shotguns.
"Woz you ear ven? You daant work Fursdays do you?" Huw thinks where he was last Furs… sorry, Thursday.
"Nah nah. Parently it woz pretty intense voh mahn." Huw inspects floor for chalked outlines of bodies.
"An they got stuff too lahk." Huw wonders who foots the bill when the bank is robbed. He hopes it isn’t his account.
"It muzd of well shitted them wot woz working ear lahk!" Huw is touched by the empathy and concern the bank tellers clearly have for their colleagues as he listens to them cackle.

Huw is caught off guard as his chequebook is thrust back at him with another tut.

Huw will avoid future 3rd person accounts. And his bank on Fursdays.


Curly said...

Youz makes us feelz likes we wuz reely there like. 'ilarioos, hileari, hilre.... Funny.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

What kind of language is that? Deep South British? Cockeyed Irish? I am tryin to git the ang ofit.

Huw said...

Norf Laandan innit?

Mary said...

My head hurts. And really, is that a conversation that you want to have in front of your customers?

surly girl said...

bloody customer service in this country is RUBBISH. i hate everyone. bah.

Jona said...

Hey, your tellers have more interesting conversations than mine!

deanne said...

I wouldn't have been surprised if the word 'caaaaant' (as in "you fahkin' caaaant") had appeared in there somewhere.

Cheri said...

I don't speak N. London, wow that was really difficult to decipher! :)

Tammy said...

I couldn't make it through this blog...the language was too tough for me to read. Sorry.

Rob West said...


Love it. I always wondered how that was spelled the way the guy who played Brick Top pronounces it.