Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Signs That I Now Live With Girls

Yesterday morning, bleary eyed and unsteady of both mind and foot, I was leaving Tufnell Park Towers in order to set out for work. I twisted the handle of the door, and pulled it towards me, bracing myself for the cold outside.
-clunk-
The door didn’t move. After a pause I tried again.
-clunk-
Confused, I pawed at the door for a while and whimpered. It was still dark: this was too much to cope with just yet. Then I had a thought. It was an outlandish thought, but I thought it a thought I’d give a go. I put the key in the-lock-that-is-never-locked. I twisted the key in the-lock-that-is-never-locked, and heard the unmistakeable sound of the door unlocking.
“Funny,” I thought, “the-lock-that-is-never-locked was locked.”
I pulled the door toward me.
-clunk-
I was in the zone now, so a quick inspection revealed that the two bolts on the top and bottom of the door were across. I triumphantly pushed them aside.
-crank-
Blimey, even the chain was across! But with that, I was away.

This door double (or rather pentuple) locking is a new development at Tufnell Park Towers. I can see the reasoning: the door granting entry to Tufnell Park Towers is admittedly more net-curtain than portcullis, and I like to think even I could knock it off its (single locked) hinges with a decent enough boot. But back in the days of Tufnell Park Towers being an alpha-maled bachelor pad, we saw no need of all this locking nonsense. Hell, sometimes we’d go for a whole night with the door wide open to the denizens of North London to wander through after someone drunkenly forgot to close it having stumbled in. One time, Eddie not only left it open for the best part of a day, but also invitingly left his keys in the lock, so not only could someone come in and rape, rob and murder us, but they could then have locked us in to return at a later date convenient to them to repeat the process. Or, more likely, a Lynne could have ducked in to not only rifle through our belongings as we slept, but also get a key cut in order to conduct future spot checks.

Shudder

Okay, so maybe I will start putting the-lock-that-is-never-locked into use.


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4 comments:

Monica said...

Craaaazy living with girls, huh? Activating saftey mechanisms on doors, removing the refuse from the living area.... Next thing you know, someone will whip out some bleach cleaner and the number of organisms growing freely in your kitchen will descrease rapidly.

Fear not! I do believe that being the only male in the joint automatically makes you the alpha male. That's something to be proud of!

Dancinfairy said...

I am a girl. That be said I am a girl with a fear of getting locked into places when they are on fire. Living with two girls with the fear of junkies raping and murdering us in our beds and stealing all our pretty stuff.

So every night they lock the door and every morning when I am first out the door I pull and - clunk - then I panic slightly, then I turn the 'other' key and I am free.

One morning I will remember to turn the key first and that will be the day that they forget to lock us in and I'll still be in the same situation!

Ivy the Goober said...

Locks locked. Imagine that. Funny story. Actually I was once by your place, found it wide open, helped myself to some food from your fridge and a 5 from the cookie jar. Watched a little TV then was on my way.

Can't wait to hear about you sharing a BATHROOM with two girls. :)
Might provide some interesting stories :)

Tammy said...

It's funny, I am a woman who lives on an acreagein, what some may consider, the middle of nowhere, and I've only just begun to lock my door at night. Good thing as of late because they just released a sexual preditor from jail and they think he is likely to reoffend? What a country!!!