I am hungover, I am sat at my desk in a slight haze, I am hearing an unfamiliar sound.
It sounds like running and laughter. Very rapid footfalls and quite high pitched breathless laughter.
Stealthily, I move to my office door to investigate.
There are children in the building. Children using the corridor outside my office as some sort of race track.
As I ponder this turn of events, they reach the end of the corridor and turn around to begin their charging all over again. In doing so, they look up and see me. I duck back into the office: watching children play can land a man with an unwanted reputation. I quickly sit back at my desk and adopt a man-at-work pose.
A girl, approximately 2-and-a half feet tall, peers round my door and giggles. She appears to have trouble speaking.
"Grraah Ba Ba!" she laughs at me.
A slightly taller child bursts in behind her, decked out as Spiderman, minus the mask.
“RAAAAAAAAAA!” he yells, arms raised aloft.
I seem to have caught their attention. I try to nod amiably hoping that this will satisfy them, but they seem to take it as an invitation to enter. They clamber onto a vacant spinning chair, and watch me.
Confused, I cast around for something to offer them in return for them perhaps leaving me alone. There is a jar of colourful Temazepam placebos sitting on my desk, but somehow I think not. My defence of “God, it’s not as if they were real” probably won’t wash. There is also a squidgy model brain. There’s no way they’re getting their hands on that bad-boy though: it’s mine.
A further person enters my office. A significantly taller one though.
“Oh here they are,” she says, “Sorry about this. It’s just the schools have broken up now so I’ve had to bring them in. They’re okay here though, aren’t they?”
And with that she turns and leaves. The children continue to watch me.
I reassure myself that soon enough I will be left alone. I can wait these two out. Children have small minds: they will get bored soon.
I am still waiting.
4 weeks ago