I haven’t had anything but a single olive to eat or drink since about midnight last night, so have fasted for about 15 hours. In truth, I am quite hungry and feeling a little dehydrated now so am actually looking forward to getting started. I’d spent a while deciding what the best preparation might be, and fasting eventually won over my other plan to eat dry cereal and salty nuts so as to make me thirsty and give my stomach a bit of lining: I figured my tummy would be full enough. I do however have some chocolate chip cookies on hand, just in case they are needed. I’d also contemplated going to the gym this morning for a brisk 4-mile Nordic Ski sans fluid intake, but have decided my body will be going through enough today as it is.
I imagine what I am about to undertake is quite Frat Boy-esque. I was never a Frat Boy myself. We don’t really do that sort of thing here – or at least, we don’t go to the effort of bothering to put a name or silly handshakes to it – but nonetheless I thought it would be befitting to don my University of London t-shirt. Go school! Furthermore, it’s quite a loose fit, and seeing as, barring any significant toilet visits, I’ll be a good 8-pounds heavier once this lot is inside me that might be of help.
Okay, so I’m about to begin. Not only do I have PhDing masterminds like Shane Wexford and Monica assessing my every move, but it also seems I’ve recently picked up a reader from the LSE: clearly some of Britain’s true academic powerhouses are watching to see the outcome of this task keenly. The pressure is mounting.
15.35 Okay! Official start time! Like I said, I’m thirsty, so this is kinda nice…
15.38 First pint finished. See? I was thirsty! I will pace myself from here on.
15.44 Well, that's the first litre down. Time for a cookie.
15.51 First burp...
15.59 OK, that's two litres down. I am beginning to feel quite full.
16.00 Dee - thanks for all that talk of curdling and vomit. It is a great help.
16.04 Looking at my measuring jug, I'd say that 3.8 litres takes up the same space as a basketball. Blimey.
16.06 Looking at my now taught tummy, I'd say it is considerabley smaller than a basketball. I wonder what the implications of this might be...?
16.08 I am starting to shiver. Now, although I kept the milk out of the fridge for an hour or so, it is still fairly chilled. Maybe it's just that the flat is chilly? Either way, I am putting on a jumper.
16.12 Dear me. Am beginning to feel sick. And there is still 1.5 litres to go. Crap.
16.17 This is actually quite painful in a hard to describe way. In between slurps I am hunched over. Currently, I would not recommend you try this.
16.32 Ok, decision time! What do I do? Try and finish within the hour, or see if I can finish the gallon and not worry about the time so much? The task was within the hour wasn't it? Oh, I can't remember anymore, but that's what I am going for. Don't think I can though.
16.43 Ok, well... with a minute to go, I was just contemplating the final half pint when it became vitally important I got to the toilet. It was actually quite pleasant and effortless being sick - I'm normally quite a loud and forceful vomiter, and it usually takes a lot out of me (and bursts the tiny blood vessels round my eyes making me look like I've been beaten up) - and I feel so much better now. This wasn't out of control or anything, and not a great deal came up: certainly less than a litre. Phew. Well, it would appear it is indeed impossible for me to drink a US Gallon of Milk in Under an Hour. And so much for me keeping it down for half an hour afterwards! I need a cookie.