It had struck me recently that I’m actually quite happy ambling through life paying minimal attention to the fairer sex. Erm, bear with me. This isn’t The Coming Out post. Not yet. No, rather what I mean is that it’s a hassle in my life that I’ve been coming to the conclusion that I’m happy to do without. Call me lazy, unromantic, a dour old pessimist, a socially inept hermit, but the stresses and strains of setting out with deliberate and purposeful womanising in mind leaves me nonplussed rather than excited as convention supposes it should.
Of course, occasionally I suppose I am prone to lamenting the fact that my twenties are ticking by steadily and I’m failing to meet, let alone mack, anywhere near enough of the 3.5 million ladies who live on my proverbial doorstep. But then, increasingly I find the whole prospect such a chore which serves only to lumber oneself with unnecessary germ exchange, the stress of composing witty text message banter and ultimately lumbering yourself with one more unwanted past acquaintance to bump into at a bar or party and awkwardly tip toe round the whole how-it-didn’t-quite-work-out thing with. Oh, and the fact that maybe they’ve seen your hairy arse by moonlight.
My last foraying into the field of lady chasing was a rather uninspiring affair. Having spent an admittedly rather enjoyable evening with said lady it was then followed by her adopting a rather flummoxing "Ooo, Ooo, chase me Huw, chase me!" routine. Except I was like "oh, look at that, she’s running away. That’s a pity. I suppose. Meh". A few weeks later a mutual friend collared me.
"Why didn’t you call her again?" she demanded
"Erm, she didn’t seem keen." I shrugged.
"She really liked you though. She was playing it cool. That’s the way it works!" Mutual friend said exasperatedly.
"Do I look like Wile E. Coyote or something? Bit full of herself anyway, eh? I didn’t like her enough to jump through hoops."
Nowadays, if I don’t feel a spark with someone, I’d rather not bother. As Joni Mitchell sang: "If there’s no good reception for me then tune me out, cause honey who needs the static?". And in all honesty, I don’t feel that spark with many people too often.
But wait. Where am I going with this? Well, despite my glum and perhaps rather sour outlook, I’ve still managed to meet someone really special. Which is obviously fantastic for so many reasons. But it also makes me confident that – if this one doesn’t work out – in the future I need not stress about seeking people out, because eventually a real gem like this turns up without you even looking for it, and makes everything else pale by comparison.
5 weeks ago