Thursday, August 18, 2005

Uncle Agony

I met up with my friend Tim last night. Tim’s just come out of a two-year relationship, so I was offering my weathered old ear and my tried and trusted shoulder.
“The thing is Huw....” he said hesitatingly.
“Yes, Yes?” I encouraged him. “Please, you know you can talk to me.”
“I just... I just...”
“Hold it together man!” I ordered. “Don’t break down on me now, not here in the pub! Just take a deep breath.”
“Well...” he continued guardedly.
“Hmmmmm?”
“Well... I’ve been trying to build up a false sense of sorrow over this whole thing, and try as I might, I can’t help but come to the conclusion I’m really relieved it’s over.”
“Yes. Yes.... A tricky one,” I agreed. “We all need some self indulgent self pitying down time. If you don’t feel sorry for yourself in this world, who the hell will?”
“Indeed, good sir, indeed!”
“I trust you’ve tried break-up albums?”
“Naturally. But I put on Blood on the Tracks, and all I could think was ‘this is by far my favourite Dylan album and I don’t listen to it nearly enough’.”
“Hmmm. Beck’s Sea Change?”
“That’s even less effective. It actually makes me happy.”
“Maybe you could put together a break-up mix tape? Carol King’s It’s Too Late, All Things Must Pass, all that sort of thing. And never underestimate the power of Duran Duran’s Ordinary World.”
“Yes, maybe that’s the way forward. Or, rather, backward.”
“Glad to help. Or, rather, hinder.”

10 comments:

y-vonne said...

You are wonderfully supportive. Nice to know that your uncle has you around to celebrate .... errr ... I mean commisserate...

OldHorsetailSnake said...

It is always wise to give help when none is needed or wanted. It demonstrates what a caring soul you are.

Shane said...

Tim is evidencing one of the worst cases of denial that I've ever seen. Continue with the programme. If there's no change in say a week or two, it may be down to you to suggest a more aggressive course of therapy. We're all thinking of you, and Tim.

weeps, silently

Curly said...

Well done for being so caring! A friend of mine, Andy, told me that he had just finished his two year relationship and I replied "Thank FUCK for that, you might fucking cheer up a bit now!"
He was shocked that I had said something different to all his other mates, but he said he felt 200 times better for it!

Send any hopeless cases in my direction please, minimum fee £40.

Koala Mentala said...

Huw, you should work on a suicide hotline. Do you want me to try and get you a job at one? I think I totally can.

Meow said...

Just keep him busy. Keeping ones self occupied always works. He's fairly o.k. anyway. Give him some heavy duty rock to rattle his brain. He'll be too shaken (not stirred) for thoughts about the ex.
Give him System of A Down's cd, that'll keep him thinking.
BTW like your blog.

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Shane said...

Huw, I don't like what these timber industry people are doing to your comments box. You used to have such a nice comments box.

Huw said...

Clearly I have been identifed by the Timber Industry People as having an audience receptive to Timber ads.

Therefore Shane, I think you are indirectly responsible for this unwholesome development and must accept the blame. QED.

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